When relationships end, we often give a reason. The reasons can be encapsulated in a single word. Infidelity. Abuse. Incompatibility. It requires no further explanation, as the listener nods their heads in agreement. It’s understandable, after all. They may not know our particular story, but they don’t have to. They know of one like it, having been there themselves or having heard tell of it before. While the experience is never easy, the explanation might be.
But sometimes the reasons aren’t so clear-cut. They require a story, the telling of it requiring a cup of coffee held tightly in our…
I have a temper. It’s something I work on, but it’s not something I try to hide. I talk openly about having one and how I try to control it or, at the very least, express it appropriately. I used to know rage well — and not just the road variety either. My anger comes out less these days, but not because I don’t feel it. Every day, there’s a fresh news story reminding me that people, women in particular, have plenty of reasons for rage.
But what I’ve found interesting over the years is that my anger when unleashed…
Friendships last longer for a reason
Friendship never seemed that complicated to me. While I didn’t always find it easy to make a friend, I found a natural comfort in being one. I understood the dynamics of friendship. But I’ve never had quite the same ease with romantic relationships.
It’s a whole different ballgame, the kind where everyone is making up their own rules and those rules keep changing. Periodically, I bench myself because the game is just so hard I don’t want to play anymore. As I heal from my last failed attempt at a lasting relationship, I’ve begun to think about all the ways…
Stop settling for less
I am not who I once was. But I’m not meant to be. Growth should change us. Sometimes, pain changes us, too. The experience of loving fully while being abandoned completely changed me irrevocably. When I stopped loving, I did so with a vengeance — so completely disconnecting from that feeling that I could scarcely remember how I had ever felt that way in the first place.
I’ve begun to think about the love in my life, or lack thereof. I’ve decided that we all deserve the love we give — not the love we get.
Think about that. It’s…
If we don’t heal from the pain, we may miss out on the love
My life experience hasn’t given me starry-eyed happy-ever-afters. It has given me a dark sense of humor and serious trust issues. In fact, I’m sometimes afraid that the next time someone says “I love you” to me, I’ll be tempted to tell them to come back in six months and tell me if they still feel that way because I have already seen the writing on the wall — and, for me, it’s an expiration date.
I want to say that I don’t trust love or that I don’t trust men, but I don’t think love is the problem, and…
Poetry Sunday
Perfect cake
That sits upon a plate
Wanting you is folly
Having you is a mistake
Because an empty plate
Leaves only crumbs, an ache
Leaves me alone
Wishing
In your wake
I’m disappearing now
The pain back into me
Disappearing self
To measure perfectly
Run another mile
Chase another dream
Wake up too early
Run on grief and steam
Chase away the remnants
Of another broken thing
Eat another bite
Or run another mile
Cry in bathrooms
Emerge with a painted smile
Deny the ache
Pretend for a little while
That empty plates are perfect
To better suit my…
You need real days off — here’s why.
When I think of vacation, I think of mornings without alarm clocks. I think of beach days, playing tourist, and relaxing. I don’t think about lugging my laptop with me to check emails or stay on top of the latest trends.
But for many of us, particularly the self-employed and the side hustlers, we tend to take work everywhere. We find ourselves busily working in waiting rooms, at stoplights, and even on vacation. We need an out-of-office sign, but really — are we ever out of the office? Or did we just haul it with us?
I know I’m guilty…
Honoring mothers one day a year isn’t too much to ask
Scrolling through social media around the month of May uncovers an interesting trend: it seems like every Happy Mother’s Day post is tempered with a message of inclusion for all women.
I even saw posts that went so far as to suggest that everyone is a mother, really. Instead of simply wishing all mothers a Happy Mother’s Day, it seemed like many of the posts were apologetic, as if it’s offensive to celebrate mothers without a caveat.
But you won’t find one single post claiming that all men are really fathers, or that fatherhood is universal when Father’s Day rolls…
Equality is being an entrepreneur, not a momtrepreneur
Momfluencer. Momtrepreneur. Even Girl Boss. These terms may trend, but I don’t think they bring us any closer to gender equality.
It’s interesting that terms have evolved to identify a person who is a mother with a career while there are none to identify a person who is a father with a career. What we’re seeing is sexism in action, and while it may seem empowering to women to have these special categories, equality looks like not needing a special category in the first place. …
Just a neurotypical mom embracing neurodiversity
I never expected motherhood to be simple. I knew that it would throw never before seen challenges my way, and I would need to field them. I planned to adapt my parenthood to meet the unique needs of each of my children. I never intended to take a one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. With all this open-mindedness going in to parenting, you’d think I’d have been prepared for anything.
The number one rule of parenting should be: Accept that you will never be prepared. Not for the cost. Not for the challenges. …
