I have a temper. It’s something I work on, but it’s not something I try to hide. I talk openly about having one and how I try to control it or, at the very least, express it appropriately. I used to know rage well — and not just the road variety either. My anger comes out less these days, but not because I don’t feel it. Every day, there’s a fresh news story reminding me that people, women in particular, have plenty of reasons for rage.
But what I’ve found interesting over the years is that my anger when unleashed…
Sometimes, the most loving thing we can do is let go
Conventional wisdom tells us that when we love someone, we should fight for them. Fighting for love is such a theme in romance that it seems counterintuitive to surrender to its end instead. But when we love someone, we have to accept their decisions — including the ones where they no longer choose to include us in their lives.
If life was actually a romcom, the end of the relationship wouldn’t be the end. We’d see the motivated partner continue to woo the other partner back — showing them with increasingly elaborate gestures just how much they care. In the…
You are not failing. You are learning.
It’s been pointed out to me that I keep holding myself to the same standard of parenting as two-parent families with neurotypical children. But, you see, that is the standard. It’s not a standard I prefer, but it’s also the only one I’ve known. It’s the one our society is built around. It doesn’t allow room for the experience of a single parent raising neurodiverse children.
While the idea of the nuclear family has stubbornly hung on, actual families have shape-shifted to be anything they want to be. It’s no longer uncommon for children to grow up with single parents…
The last kiss didn’t feel like goodbye
The last kiss didn’t feel like
Goodbye
It felt like something
Sacred instead
Like a prayer from parted lips
Or holy hands
And tasting sips
Love rising up
And filling up my head
The last kiss didn’t feel like
Regret
It felt like something we could do
All the days
That we’ll have left
It felt like warm sun
And candle flames
Like love gift-wrapped
Around your name
The last kiss didn’t feel like
The end
When you would walk back
What you said
And ask if we could
Still be friends
It didn’t feel like A friendly kiss A…
When the drama is done, take care of you
Emotional hangovers can leave us feeling exhausted and mentally depleted. With a normal alcohol-induced hangover, I know just what to do to help myself feel better. Emotional hangovers, however, are often more complex.
Reclaiming our peace isn’t as simple as blocking toxic people. I wish it were! While that can be a step to maintaining peace, it doesn’t necessarily help us reclaim it in the first place.
Since it is more complicated than that, I find myself taking small, slow steps through the process. When I first realized why I felt so depleted, my follow-up question was what I needed…
It requires more than courage alone
From the distance of safety and security, it can be easy to forget the struggle to break free from toxic environments. While we may be unlikely to forget the trauma any time soon, we can become insulated from the strength it took to leave. Recently, I made a generalization about how people should always speak truth to power, and for a moment, I forgot that doing so comes with consequences — ones that not everyone is prepared to face.
It made me pause and reflect — something we should all do when we find ourselves being called out for a…
A mindfulness journal’s problematic history with writers matters
Integrity isn’t something we can pick up and put back down when it’s easy for us. Integrity is a lifestyle, not a selling point. If we choose a mindful life, we’re committing to being held to a higher standard. While we may sometimes fall short of our own ideals, there’s a difference between making mistakes but then making amends and regularly engaging in abusive behavior that creates untold harm.
Several years ago, I emerged from my divorce silenced too long and with something to say. Words poured out of me, for the first time in years. They first found a…
Life is short. What are we going to do about it?
Existential anxiety is the ultimate FOMO. I am not afraid of dying as much as I’m afraid of not living. It is peak fear of missing out.
I’ve felt it since I was a child, and I see that same link of anxiety in my children. Being hyperaware of our own mortality can cause incredible stress and a sense of overwhelming pressure.
These days, I am living my dreams, but I am filled with existential dread. To be honest, I think everyone has some level of this, but many people are comforted with either denial or faith — or perhaps…
This is about more than skinny jeans and side parts
I don’t know how to explain to GenZ that I wouldn’t be their age right now for love or money. My teen years and twenties were far from the best years of my life. In fact, that’s where I learned from the school of hard knocks, and it wouldn’t be until my thirties that I started to get my shit together. But the generation war we’re seeing is more than just throwing shade at skinny jeans, emojis, and side parts. It’s much more toxic and pervasive — and it doesn’t just go in one direction either.
While I am all…
When life is overwhelming, turn back the clock
Memories before a certain age are untrustworthy. I know that I was under the age of 10, but I couldn’t say exactly how old. I couldn’t give many specifics to the memory, but I can give a basic outline. I was a skinny, awkward little girl who talked too much. She was an elderly woman who lived alone. I remember visiting her, the shadow of a parent somewhere mixed in the memory, and I can recall a dim house. …
