I have a temper. It’s something I work on, but it’s not something I try to hide. I talk openly about having one and how I try to control it or, at the very least, express it appropriately. I used to know rage well — and not just the road variety either. My anger comes out less these days, but not because I don’t feel it. Every day, there’s a fresh news story reminding me that people, women in particular, have plenty of reasons for rage.
But what I’ve found interesting over the years is that my anger when unleashed…
Nurture yourself through the toughest days
I wish I could say that I always practice such excellent self-care that I avoid reaching a point of overwhelm — but that would be a lie. While I do make self-care a regular practice, life can come along and casually knock down my careful plans. It’s cute to tell people to expect the unexpected, but we just can’t fully prepare ourselves for trauma, grief, illness, anxiety, depression, or any of the other myriad life challenges that get thrown our way.
When life hits the point of overwhelm, I cultivate specific daily habits to help me get through it. On…
Will you embrace the wild in you?
A few years ago, I had the privilege to walk through the most primal forest I’ve ever seen. Live oak branches twisted and tangled together in every direction — around me, above me, stretching as far as the eye could see into a clear blue sky. Palmettos were as tall as me, taller sometimes, and they brushed up lightly against thick tree trunks that seemed as old as time. Spanish moss clung to twisting branches, swaying in the breeze like ship sails or ghosts.
Wild horses ran free over beaches and across the ruins of a once-stately home. There was…
Stop wasting your time. Start living your life.
Here’s the thing: I absolutely love dating at its best.
I love connection and romance. I love the possibilities inherent in meeting someone new and getting to know them. While I often feel nervous before a date, I have found most of them to be enjoyable, with a few exceptions. But I just got out of a relationship a few months back, and the idea of dating — particularly online dating — seems exhausting.
The thing is, most dating is not dating “at its best.” Most dating is a series of awful encounters, a veritable smorgasbord of horrors that range…
Un-learn barriers to self-compassion, learn a better way to live
In life before the Internet, back in the days of boxy television sets and rotary phones, the games were simple. We only needed paper and pencil to play. Tic tac toe, connect the dots. We would play when we were bored — in the back of classrooms or on long road trips while we wondered if we would ever get where we were going.
Lately, I’ve been trying to connect the dots. Not out of boredom. Not even on a scrap sheet of paper. Instead, I’ve been trying to figure out why self-compassion is so challenging.
It’s so easy to…
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anais Nin
I feel like I’ve been watching the world behind a screen. I can see life in full color rushing around me, but I’ve been stuck in grey days and flat emotions. The feeling of distance has made me a keen observer, and I’ve been watching as winter has shifted, unfurling into Spring.
It started small with tiny wildflowers peeking out between cracks in the pavement. So small, I could have missed them. But the colors called to me in my world of ever-grey, and I captured them in photographs. Their vibrancy called to me, and I knew Spring was coming.
…
I stopped trying to please others by disappointing myself
Growing up, I knew that I could never measure up. My effort didn’t matter. At the end of the day, I knew that it — that I — wasn’t good enough. Later, I would enter relationships where I always fell short, never living up to the standard that was set for me. I knew that I was a disappointment because I never stopped hearing it.
It didn’t occur to me to question the standards I was being held to. Instead, I kept striving to be better — always pushing myself to be more, to do more, to make myself absolutely…
And what to do if you’re not there yet
A relationship at its best is a wonderful thing. The sharing of love and support with another person can include all of the elements of attraction, friendship, chemistry, and romance. Because we want those things, we may assume that we’re ready for a relationship.
But are we?
For some people, the automatic response is yes. Yes, I want it is followed by Yes, I’m ready with no pause in between to consider if it’s actually true. Too often, when we attempt to engage in relationships before we’re ready, we hurt people. …
Promises for anyone who’s been let down by life and love
I have a complicated relationship with love and promises. I want them, but I don’t trust them. In my life, for as long as I can remember, love has been conditional. It was a rigged system. I could never be good enough to keep any love that was available. Whatever was given was withdrawn again. Even promises made could be easily broken.
Living that way creates a paradigm where we’re starving for love, but we don’t trust it either. We grow into people who seek out love and relationships but stay filled with what Dr. Brené Brown refers to as…
