We’ve all heard home is where the heart is, but home is really the place where we can be authentically ourselves. When we’re in our homes, we don’t always bother about our hair or how we’re dressed. Pajama casual is perfectly acceptable. We can wear anything or nothing at all within the 4 walls of the place we call home.
But we say that home is where the heart is when that’s not truly accurate. Sometimes we love where we’re not fully accepted. I can’t count how many relationships I’ve witnessed or been a part of where both partners could not be fully, apologetically themselves. Often, one partner gets to be free while the other has to tie themselves up in knots trying not to make waves. Or both partners are restricting themselves, afraid that the other person might not love them if they were vulnerable, raw, and real.
We shouldn’t have to be fake in our own homes. We shouldn’t be putting on a pretense of who we really are or trying to impress anyone else. We should have a soul version of Pajama Casual where we can sink into who we are in the places where we live without fear of judgment. We should be able to embrace our truest selves and celebrate them. We should also be able to celebrate that in others.
The term home doesn’t just mean the structure where we sleep. It can also include the bigger picture of the towns and cities we live in, the state, our nation, and even the world. As we awaken, we begin to grow more comfortable with being absolutely ourselves no matter the setting. We don’t shy away from our truth out of fear of what other people will think or say. We’re simply ourselves, at home in our skin so that everywhere can be home.
This type of relentless authenticity isn’t easy. In fact, only the very brave can keep putting themselves out there at a pure soul level all the time. It’s exhausting because even though we’re courageous, we still have fears and feelings. We can still be hurt by the words and opinions of other people. We can still feel insecure or uncomfortable. But we don’t try to be anything other than who we are. People can love us or hate us, but we’re never fake. We’ll deal honestly with others and hope for honesty in return. But we don’t give up ourselves for someone else’s comfort.
Of course, I don’t mean that we’re nasty and rude. If those qualities are at the core of our essential selves, we may need to get started on some serious self-help to work on that. While we can practice love and kindness, we don’t just lay down and become the doormat for others. Authentic people actually tolerate bullshit a lot less than people who are constantly playing a role. We’re raw and real, and we invite others to join us. We don’t want to speak to someone’s mask, endlessly batting about small talk. We have no interest in saying that we’re fine when we’re anything but. Or pretending we’re not angry when we are. Our no means no, and our yes means yes. We’re not ambiguous. If we want to cry, we do. And if you’re uncomfortable with that, we understand that’s your problem and not ours.
We should be able to be home when we are actually in our homes. We should be our real selves. We should be that in our cities. In our states. As we go out into the world. We need to find that core of authenticity and hold on to it no matter where we are or who we’re with because our essential selves matter. We shouldn’t be giving them up for anyone or anything else.