How to Say Goodbye in 10 Steps (Part 2)

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Photo by Ryan Rush on Unsplash

Step One:

They never say I have to go.
They never say anything at all.
Instead, they disappear.
Or they make me disappear.
They make me leave so they don’t have to be the one.

Step Two:

I don’t just cry; I weep.
But then I weep only at night, in the dark, where no one else can see.
In the daytime, I move on.
I have a date by the end of the week.
I’ll go on it and have a perfect night that will end in a perfect kiss.
I won’t even miss you that much.

Step Three:

I fill a glass of wine to the top and drink it like water so that I can sleep.
I fill another glass of wine and drink it like water so that I won’t dream.
I wonder why you couldn’t just say goodbye.
I sleep on the very edge of my bed, shrinking from your absence and the way
It takes up so much space beside me.
I know you’re not sleeping alone now.
I’ve always known about her.

Step Four:

I miss you so much that I send you a text.
You come over one last time, but you know we can’t stay friends.
You wake up in the middle of the night holding me.
I already know that by morning you’ll pretend this never happened.
You kiss me before you go, but you don’t say goodbye.
You walk away, but you don’t tell me that you won’t be back.
I watch you until you drive away, and I know already.
I try to live with that.

Step Five:

I think that maybe we can work it out.
I text you, and you don’t reply.
I text you, and you don’t reply.
I text you, and I finally give up.
I can’t believe you did this again.
I don’t know why I can’t believe it.

Step Six:

I’m still seeing someone else.
You update your relationship status.
I cry because you told me that you weren’t ready for a relationship.
What you meant to say is
That you weren’t ready for a relationship with me.

Step Seven:

I have a bad day.
I have such a bad day that every bad thing in me rises to the surface.
I get angry.
I send you an email.
I say goodbye.

Step Eight:

I’m fine for a really long time.
I’ve made my peace.
But sometimes I still see you in my dreams.

Step Nine:

You’re going to marry her.
I’ve always known that it would happen.
I don’t cry, and I don’t get angry.
I figure out that you were always meant to push me to write.
I was always meant to push you to her.

Step Ten:

I still haven’t learned to say goodbye.

But I say it anyway.

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