Sometimes we don’t get the closure we need. We live our lives, but the things we need to say often don’t get said. It’s not always possible- or even a good idea- to contact everyone and get those words out. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is write it in a journal or write a letter that will never be sent. We can get the feelings out rather than keeping them in, and this can help us to feel a sense of peace to move on.
I decided to write out the things I would say, to a variety of different people in my life, in this #LetterstoLostLovers . This is what I needed to say. What would you say if you could?
Dear You, It’s been too long since we last spoke. Maybe you would say it’s not been long enough. How long will it take for your anger to fade to the hurt that it’s hiding? I want to say that I’m sorry, and I am sorry that you’re hurting. But why do I feel a need to apologize at all for the way that you broke us? I wish I didn’t love you still. But I do.
Dear You, I don’t know why I still want to reach out. After all, it’s been long enough that I shouldn’t even think of you. You’ve moved on. Why can’t I?
Dear You, Sometimes I think about us, and I’m still angry. I will go months not caring about you at all, and then the anger will creep up sharply over something innocuous. Why is forgiveness such a constant practice? Why can’t I ever just relax into it? I want to wish you well, but at the same time, I mostly think you don’t deserve it.
Dear You, Sometimes I hope karma catches up with you. Sometimes I don’t give enough of a damn about you to care if it does.
Dear You, I miss you. I’ve never wanted to stop missing someone so much. Do you even think of me? I’d call you to ask, but we don’t do that now. How is it that the person I want to talk to the most is the one person I can’t talk to at all?
Dear You, I want to tell you all the ways in which I’ve moved on. I want to tell you that you didn’t break me. I want to tell you that sometimes I still feel broken in a way that I can’t explain and that may never go away. I want to tell you that feeling broken won’t stop me from living a good life.
Dear You, I love you. I don’t have any other words to say. It doesn’t matter after all.
Dear You, You broke my trust. Don’t try to make this about what I did to you. You broke this. You don’t get to be angry at me for what you did. I get to be angry. But I’m not angry anymore. I’m just sad. I’m so goddamn sad.
Dear You, I forgive you.
Dear You, I don’t want to say goodbye, but that’s what I mean.
What would you say, if you could say anything? #LettersToLostLovers