Personal growth may develop over time, and no one called anyone else “stupid”. Instead, I’m pointing out that we all have the potential for growth. In my relationship, he could have worked on his issues or agreed to go to couples’ counseling and yet didn’t. He made a choice not to put in the effort for me and chose to do so for someone else. It was always in his power to choose so I stand by that statement. The fact that his personal growth may have advanced later doesn’t change the fact that he could have been motivated at an earlier point to do the same thing.