Stars Spell Out Your Name
Some nights I lie alone but hear you breathing
And every star above spells out your name
Sometimes I almost forget about you leaving
But I can’t forget because I am not the same
And from time to time I fall into thinking
Of our lips touching in one last kiss
I can feel your thoughts reaching toward me
Sometimes I wonder what it is you miss
Then there are days my grief chokes me
And I find myself gasping on the floor
And moments when all that I want
Is to hear you knock outside my door
But memories are always slow to leave me
They gather dust and crowd me from my bed
I try and fail to go in and just delete you
Or to tuck you back inside my head
There are moments when I let you go now
Moments when I even wish you well
And moments even when I hate you
And in those moments wish you into hell
Or wish instead, in moments of amusement,
This wish, I admit, a strange compunction
To turn the karma of your leaving into something
Perhaps resembling a sexual dysfunction
But moments more when all I do is love you
Moments more when I hope you’re well
Moments when I understand that losing you
Was inevitable the moment that I fell
And falling wasn’t something that I wanted
Falling in love with you was entirely unplanned
And our breaking was the thing that undid me
When I see you grieve, I know you understand
But the stars above still spell out your name
And the Earth revolves with every breath you take
Loving you was like touching Heaven
Somehow I can’t write it off as a mistake
The end of our love affair has changed me
I’ve transformed inside this pain
And even though I am moving on
There are days I can’t bear to speak your name
If by chance you pass me in the future
And pause to wonder if there are things I miss
There will always be a part of me that loves you
And a part of me that grieves it came to this
Our eyes will meet, and we’ll both understand
The thing that we both know too well
That our love for each other was like Heaven
If by Heaven, we mean our own Hell.
