This was a bit long, and my answer won’t address it all because I feel like this piece speaks for itself. I don’t have a private account because I’m a public figure- an author with a public page and a private one. The messages come through my public one where I manage my work. Getting DMs hitting on me is the equivalent of someone coming in your workplace and doing the same. Just because I have a public account, I’m not inviting men to hit on me there. If I ignore the messages on my public account, it actually impacts my response rating on social media, which then shows on my profile. It looks like I’m non-responsive to readers. But these aren’t readers. They’re opportunists falsely assuming I am flattered by any and all attention.

Self-sabotage describes any behavior that prevents us from getting the thing we say we want. Men or women who are looking for a relationship but never bother to check if the person they’re interested in are on the same page are automatically sabotaging their chances at a successful partnership. They’ll waste time on people who aren’t interested when they could be moving on, and they’ll waste the time of the people who have no interest by repeatedly trying to engage their time and attention.

I’m not expecting men or women to read my mind. I am advocating for some basic courtesy in unsolicited communications. Don’t demand the time of others without first assessing if it’s welcome. If you are given absolutely no indication of further interest, clarify rather than assume that continued communication is desired. I often repeatedly tell men I’m not interested, only to continue to receive messages and overtures of “friendship” that I have no interest in continuing. I’m communicating; they aren’t listening.

This doesn’t just apply to men. I’m advocating for courtesy and consideration from both men and women, not complaining. Perhaps you should give it another read.

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